What have I learnt today ?

by WhathaveI

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There are two sides to everything......even the truth.




This will be a bit like a daily me but more like a real journal. I've become more aware of how important the things we learn each day are and how I need to remind myself of what each day has taught me, either, for the first time, or as most often happens, for a second or third time...... I'm also having my usual tussle with the internet and some of the people on it, so what's new ?

I wont neccessarily post everyday as I'm not intending on putting that much pressure on myself and having thought about it the real reason I am doing this is to keep a diary of the craziness that is life, so that if I EVER become famous and am forced to write an autobiography I will have an abundance of vacuous material to put in. (Takes toungue out of cheek)

I also had time to mull over why I have invited just the small group of people I have. If you are here its because I value whatever it is you bring to this small place on the interent. Put simply........Friend.

I've put the moany bit at the bottom of the page now! I'm already cringing at it but I shall leave it as a reminder of how I am swinging between rational and irrational thought and emotion.




































































THE MOANY BIT!!!!!!

I have also been very unwell for a number of years now and am at a point where the line between some kind of decent recovery and a life of infinite illness is begining to piss me off! I'm piqued too by the fact that no-one seems to recognise or care about my daily struggle, some mornings I can't get out of bed and even if I manage to stand upright my feet are so painful it hurts to walk. This has been a new development since May from a nasty virus - shingles - which affected my face and right eye, very painful indeed and very exhausting. But see I'm moaning again and I should know better, there are afterall people much worse off than me. Hmmmmmpph

Therefore I need somewhere to vent.

Am adding only a few select friends as I dont wish to share with everyone. Think I have reached a time of life where being very sensitive anyway, just emphasizes even more the emotions I feel. I'm calling it my 'Mental Pause' appropriate for all kinds of reasons though apparently I havent actually reached this biological point yet according to the Doc ! it feels like it though and I hate that in the 21st century it is still a very ill discussed subject and carries such Taboo and misinformation and a sense that somehow you are passed it.................... mini rant over for now :-)

I realise that there will be people (admin) who will be able to read this......so be it.


There may be days when I learn more than one thing, there may be days when I dont. Inevitably there will be days when I am learning the same bloody lesson I thought I'd already learned such is life.

Please dont feel you have to comment or indeed even induldge me by coming here to read the blog, I really do need to vent somewhere without offending or upsetting others. But most of all I want my moblog friends to know I havent desserted them and 'left' with a swish of my skirt and an "I 'm leaving goodbye" etc etc etc.

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The Window

(viewed 246 times)
In bed at the moment trying to rest. My own fault entirely. Doc warned me not to overdo it, but I had so much organising to do. By saturday both hips were really begining to hurt badly and my feet are continually painful. This was supposed to be temporary.

I think everyone enjoyed themselves at the party and it was really good to see friends. Seeing them reminds me how lucky I am.

Lying here it is still very wet and windy. You can't see from the picture but when the sun shone briefly it cast shadows in the shape of raindrops on the curtains, they were glistening and sparkly!

Just arrived back from collecting the kids from the school bus. My friend is struggling with being a parent. Her and her husband waited 7 or 8 years for their first child and it was a long, anxious and emotional journey. She took a lot of unwanted opinion/criticism from 'friends',family and her parish priest. Her child is at school with my youngest.

My friend had another child earlier this year, like her older child gorgeous with an infectious smile. Both children have unfortunately had health problems since birth, this has caused her such angst and stress and she believes its all her fault. Those children are everything to her because she wanted them so badly she has tried to do everything right for them........she still thinks that it is her fault.

A 'friend' of hers (I've put friend in commas as I'm not sure what friend means in this context)has told her she is selfish to let her child be in the class when he has special needs as this apparently takes time away from the other children!

She was almost in tears at the bus stop. I know this person. She was a regular at a mothers group we used to attend. She was derogatory about every mum who walked through the door. The kind of person who enjoys putting others down in order to make themselves feel better - a bully - though I'm minded to wonder what makes her feel so insecure too.

I reminded my friend of this. But I know its no solace. She is getting very conflicting medical advice from various medical professionals which is making it even harder for her to know what is the right thing to do. At one point they even went as far as to suggest she may have Munchausen by proxy syndrome! now they just keep telling her its post natal depression, but no-one is offering help.

What have a learnt ?

That often we wish so hard for something, we don't look further than the thing itself and it turns out not quite how we expected it to be.Its not always possible to see what the consequences there might be. Often there are any number of permutations of what could or might happen.
25th Nov 2009, 08:40   comments (1)

TITS OF DEATH !

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This always makes me laugh out loud, its such a statement. I hope the band are'nt offended.

I had what I considered a better shot than the one posted here, but when I looked again I decided this image was better and I prefer it. If you look it appears as if my belly button is on show...... oh and my 'tits of death'! I am of course fully dressed.

Feeling a little better today ,(I hear an audible sigh of relief) bemoaning my life in the sidebar did me some good. That and the force 10 gale blowing down on the seafront. Guaranteed to blow away even the most stubborn of cobwebs.

Amused grandsons by pretending to be blown about the car park whilst they laughed at me and passers-by looked on with that pitying "oh its scary Mary" on their faces. I should probably post a picture of that. Daughter had a driving lesson so I was babysitting, much fun was had. Soon, very soon, she takes her test then I wont have to play Chauffer quite so often, well at least for a while, someone always needs transporting somewhere..................................................................................................................................................

Just got back from school run and a quick bit of shopping I should have done this morning but was called away. Managed to avoid speaking to the wife of the Git, I mean Guy, who overthrew hubby from the boys football team in some sort of pathetic power attempt. I actually dont want to gloat ( oh you liar) about the fact that now our youngest son has moved on to much better things and left all that behind. In fact he played a match on monday against the boys team of a Premier divison club...... so there. Phew all this bitching is exhausting.

Dinner ???

Why do these magazine programmes make you feel so inadequate ? I really cannot decide whether I like 'Loose Women' or not. Truthfully, I am ashamed to admit I watch a little daytime tv, but I do, when I eat my breakfast (if I eat breakfast - naughty me) or lunch.

Apparently most of us (that is women/mothers) are lazy unimaginative cooks,who have a repertoire of about 9 dishes, F@@k Yeah! Stepford wives eat your hearts out. Frankly everyday cooking bores me and I dont have the time for Gordon Blue cookery.

However........here's the contradiction....... I get real pissy when some high flying career woman jeers at me making shortbread with my kids in a stepfordesque way, its clearly TITS OF DEATH envy!!.

What have I learnt today ? before I have to cook a roast, take youngest boy to football Academy. It'll have to wait till later I'm running late!!!....................
.............................






Okay so back from the football academy run. i had kind of hoped significant other might have put the dinner on

1. photocopying youngest daughter and youngest sons lines for their christmas school plays. plus two rehearsals stood in the hallway practicing 'throwing' our voices.

2. making mental note to start raking through the dressing up box for cstumes.

3. Email cricket coach to confirm winter nets for the two youngest boys.

4. Phone friend to see if she can take one ofthem to winter nets as I have to take the other to football on the same night.

5. email friend from support group

6. Phone daughter to check she has filled in application form for son to go to school haOkay so back from the football academy run. i had kind of hoped significant other might have put the dinner on

1. photocopying youngest daughter and youngest sons lines for their christmas school plays. plus two rehearsals stood in the hallway practicing 'throwing' our voices.

2. making mental note to start raking through the dressing up box for cstumes.

3. Email cricket coach to confirm winter nets for the two youngest boys.

4. Phone friend to see if she can take one ofthem to winter nets as I have to take the other to football on the same night.

5. email friend from support group

6. Phone daughter to check she has filled in application form for son to go to school - have mini argument with two other daughters over homework and school whilst still trying to talk to older daughter on phone, who has just passed grandson on to tell me he is eating Snotgum.........eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww takes breath ahhhh

Walks out of room to kitchen, pours rather large glass of wine, yells at significant other, who has now conveniently 'plugged' himself in to listen to music! (lucky him), to get a take out as its now 8.15pm and no -ones eaten. as I have now had a large swig of red wine I dont give a Tinkers cuss who thinks I am a shit wife and terrible mother.

*Oh I'm going to miss this chaos when its not here anymore, that thought terrifies me.*

Note : the repetition was accidental, then I decided to leave it in.
18th Nov 2009, 16:27   comments (0)

Flashing Past - What I've learnt today........so far :-)

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A rather obvious photo for a rather obvious sentiment I guess.

This last eleven months has been very eventful. Some things that have happened have been wonderful, the birth of my grandson. I was my daughters birth partner again and it was a mix of joy at his birth and pain at seeing my daughter in such physical agony (he was a big baby) but he came, thankfully , very quickly. The sadness of life long friends succumbing to cancer in some cases after many years of fighting, apparent recovery or remission and then BANG..... gone, all in their 40's.

I've tried to be wise about it and tell myself that as you move through life so some of the people who were on the journey with you, reach their stop. I just wish it had'nt come round so soon.

This morning I drove one of my older (22) sons to college. This is a huge bone of contention. Theory has it he is big enough and ugly enough to hop on a train and get there himself. This is true, but if I don't take him he will probably find an excuse not to go. Well that's his look out isn't it ? But he's lost. His father left him when he was three, it broke his heart and its stayed with him always. He never/won't talk about it and I feel so guilty and no amount of counselling for me has been able to take away that guilt and I know that is my motivation for why I do some of the things I do for him. I want to help him but I dont know how. Am I interferring if I make a suggestion as to his options or choices ? afterall, there his choices. But it is so hard to see him so unhappy.

Giant pause here.................. as a neighbour has come in to tell me about her weekend coming up and we've been talking for almost an hour and now I have to go off and get eldest son.








What have I learnt today so far ? ...................................................................................

That as long as what I do, think , say on a personal level does'nt feel wrong and I'm not hurting anyone, then perhaps I should stop stressing about what 'they' think.
17th Nov 2009, 17:43   comments (6)