my life in words and pictures

by chocolate

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this is me, trying to put down my thoughts about everything and anything in the most sincere way possible, trying to find order in the chaos that is my life, trying to throw some mediocre-to-good pictures in along the way and trying to do it all in such a charming way that maybe someone actually finds pleasure in reading it all.

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(viewed 533 times)
so this is it.
the moment i've been waiting for for over 18 months.
it's finally here.
and even though this is not what i'd imagined it looking like.
there's something good about it.
something possibly better than if it would have come the way. everyone expected it to come.
so i'm going to just do it.
and ignore all doubts and fears.
because sooner or later, it'll happen anyway.

dear God let it be good.


i'm 5 minutes into song 8 and they have done it again, they've conquered my heart.

EDIT number 2

i'm now on listen two and it's just ...

bloody brilliant!

12th Oct 2007, 15:54   comments (13)

sun d a y

(viewed 509 times)
i love you in the morning
when you're still hungover
i love you in the morning
when you're still strung out

i love you in the morning ...

when i'm with you
i am calm
a pearl
in your oyster
head on your chest
a silent smile
a private kind
of happiness

You see
giant proclamations
are all very well
but our love
is louder than words

when i'm with you ...

9th Oct 2007, 13:58   comments (1)

let's drive to venice on the weekend

9th Oct 2007, 13:56   comments (2)


(viewed 478 times)
perhaps a bit too often
i wish i could go back in time
and change everything that's happened since
not because i was happier then than now
or younger
but because i think i would be happier now
if i would have gone somewhere else
another way
if i would be 19 but not here
i wish i could change all of it
because it felt so good being where i was
and the only reason i didn't miss it immediately
was because i didn't know how good it felt
and how much it meant
and how much i would later wish i was back there
with those people who were there with me
and i wonder whether i would still love them as much
as much as i did back then, without knowing
without knowing how special that kind of love was
and if i really thought it through to the end
i would also wonder whether i really would be so happy now
- seeing as i'd be old enough to know how much to value it
or whether instead ...
whether instead i would be writing the same words as i am now
or different words with the same meaning
the same longing
and same wishful thinking
or maybe words without any longing or nostalgia
but with a yearning to know
an aspiration to know whether i would instead be happier
being where i am now
in reality

but that's a kind of dumb train of thought
if you think about it

i just miss it
i miss it really badly sometimes
and i wish i was back there
and stayed instead of leaving.

i think everything would be so different.
6th Oct 2007, 17:31   comments (6)

left o u t

(viewed 591 times)
here we go.

got back here before sunday, for a change.

this was still the same walk, with the same black dog, the same bad weather and all its randomness.

except this time i don't have as much to say ...

ich haette dieses wochenende in muenchen verbringen koennen, von gestern bis morgen oder nur ab heute, egal wie, und jetzt bin ich hier, weil ich erkaeltet bin.
naja so schlimm gehts mir auch nich, ich haette schon gehn koennen, aber es is sicherlich vernuenftiger so.
obwohl ich eigentlich nicht vernuenftig sein will, vernuenftig sind immer nur die langweiligen.

auf jedenfall fuehle ich mich deswegen irgendwie left out. auch wenn es hier jemanden gibt der mit mir die zeit verbringt. und mal wieder zerbrech ich mir den kopf darueber, warum ich mir deswegen ueberhaupt so einen kopf mach.

o mann das is schrecklich, manchmal waer ich am liebsten hauptschueler, die haben sicher nich solche bescheuerten gedanken in ihren kleinen koepfen.


this weekend ...

hmm ...

wish i was somewhere else, somewehere completely else, back in another time or something ...

es gibts bestimmt leute, die wuerden mir irgendsowas sagen wie dass es doch die anderen sind die etwas verpassen.
naja vielleicht, ich bin eben ein spoilt boy.
6th Oct 2007, 17:20   comments (4)


(viewed 528 times)
feeling good =)

wishing the world a wonderful sunday
16th Sep 2007, 13:45   comments (7)


(viewed 621 times)
so this was venice.
taking a break by the water ...

it really was a great week. ironically, perhaps, though, not because of venice. and i think it might have been one of those times that seem nicer AFTER they happen. but then it doesn't really matter, does it, because after they happen, you'll always have to remember them, and that's all you get.

and i bunch of pictures

so yeah .. had a, um, f u c k e d day, but hey life's not always a joy, is it?
then i read some moblogs i've been meaning to catch up on and that cheered me up somehow.

life i s beautiful, and if you think so, you shouldn't let that opinion be shattered by a shitty day.

ich weiss nich ...
it's hard to explain
but ...
ich muss mich echt noch mit dieser zivi sache anfreunden.
obwohl es an sich ja schon spass macht.
das is echt irgendwie komisch.
ich bin momentan bei dem schluss angekommen, dass es nich die (ungewohnt) lange arbeitszeit is, die mich so, ja, fertig, macht, sondern viel mehr die tatsache, dass ich den ganzen tag keinen meiner freunden sehe, oder ueberhaupt viele juengere leute.
ich meine, man geht bis man damit fertig is in die schule, und auch wenn man bis um 5 drin hockt, is man immer unter seinen freunden. und naja das is jetzt eben nich mehr so. ich fuehl mich ja ehrlich gesagt laecherlich, wenn ich das hier reinschreib, aber das is ganz ernsthaft das was ich am zivi bisher am absolut unangenehmsten empfind.
man man man hoffentlich legt sich das.

sonst muss ich noch einen plan aushaecken =)

aber mal schaun ... ich bin ja fit, ich lass mir schon noch irgendwas einfallen.

ansonsten ...

"es geht mir gut"

ich les grad ein buch mit einem sehr bescheidenen protagonisten und bemuehe mich deswegen kein meckernder arsch zu sein.

mal schaun wie lange das gut geht ...

ich freu mich auf morgen, ob ich jetzt was mit meinen freunden oder meiner ... liaison (schreibt man das so?) mach.

over and out.
good nite.
13th Sep 2007, 21:22   comments (9)

my world

(viewed 531 times)
i'm going to put up all those pictures of venice and some of the random ones i've taken over the last 3 weeks when i get back, there's ome some in there that i'm sort of proud of ...

31st Aug 2007, 12:24   comments (7)