THE KING

thats a crackin little picture. like it.

BUT, that's quite a bold statement... you see,
Bourbons are good but its more of an everyday biscuit.. a safe bet... reliable.. consistantly inoffensive but it hasn't got any 'king like qualities'.. the mere fact it's chocolate 'flavoured' surely denies it kingship immediately? try comparing with a Fox's 'Triple', i'm sure the chocolate centre will immediately demostrate my point. Also the use of caramel in some biscuit brands ('Fingers caramel', the mighty 'Rocky Robin caramel- best straight from the freezer- and the Digestive Caramel to name just a few) must surely hurl many contenders down through the ranks. I'm sure that if Hob Nobs enter the caramel market the entire biscuit economy will collapse. Also.. i feel that the king of biscuits should be a 'one off' not one copied by other companies, i mean... you can get 'Tesco Value' bourbons.... not very kinglike. I think the term 'The Daddy' .....of biscuits would be better suited, then the 'custard cream' could play mummy. So, finding 'the king' could be like trying to get the sword from the stone, but i rekon i know the answer... i'd say it has to be a chocolate biscuit, almost goes without saying... and it has to be one of only one manufacturer so as not to encounter cheap imitations which could impair enjoyment. I also believe it should be a british biscuit, some other nations make some good efforts but never quite get it right (see BN/mikado). so where does that leave you stood in the biscuits, crisps and snacks aisle? i've thought long and hard about this, and as an overall manufacturer Fox's has a winning range but the one true king are the boxes of Cadbury's Animals. The small animal shaped digestive style biscuit topped with Cadbury's chocolate. Havn't seen them on the shelves for a while, but my mate had some 'Cadbury's Rabbits' a couple of weeks ago which were the same thing. They really do take the biscuit and deserve the throne.

gosh, that's a long comment i've left there.

I'm sorry it has to be the custard cream for me....
http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/biscuits/previous.php3?item=11

but even that review points out that 'it may once have been quite a sophisticated biscuit, not the classic that it is today...' i wasn't choosing my favourite biscuit ,(which is either the above mentioned 'triple' or the also above mentioned 'rocky caramel'- yes im a caramel junkie) i was naming 'the king' an overall ruler ;)

i have to make an amendment to my statement, Cadbury's Rabbits are made by 'Burton Foods' under liscence from Cadbury's. they still the king....

and Cadbury's Animals are also made by Burtons.

Ah, I see your point. But if the biscuit world could elect a head of state, a figurehead monarch, as it were, they would surely elect the Bourbon biscuit by a landslide majority.

At the other head of the scale there is the Fig Roll which would be outcast as a traitor for being truly evil.

For uniqueness and a certain elan, Cadbury's Animals would be a viable choice, but I would hasten to add that another option would be to consider the Plain Chocolate Ginger Nut. It has style, elegance and a strength to it that I believe the aforesaid Cadbury's Animals lack. I submit this to the jury for examination.

item 1.
hmm... Bourbon, Head of State- i like it. In a purely representative role of course but yes, i can see the headlines 'Animals toppled as bourbon gets the backing of the biscuits!' or...'Bourbon, the biscuits' biscuit...'

item 2
the board requests that greenzowie issue a formal apologie to 'Fig Roll'. comments of a racist nature will not be tolerated (Section 2 Paragraph 9 of the Official Biscuits Act 1979) the FBI (Federal Biscuit Investigations) regrets that any further such comments may result in your biscuit consumption liscence being revoked, and thus allowing you to consume 'Rich Tea' or 'Rusks' until such time as they see fit to reissue the liscence.

item 3
Chocolate Gingernut... ahem... come on, be reasonable... on the outside, yes it has a certain elegance... and yes ginger does have regal qualities.... but would the biscuit population really want a ginger king? i don't think so....

may i present for your appraisal,

the 'YoYo Mint'... chocolatey, biscuity... minty cool, with great breeding and heritage. consider its key features.. a traditional timeless biscuit that somewhere along the line gained the title 'viscount' a biscuit already accustomed to mixing with the aristocrasy, always well turned out in immaculate green, and welcomed at even the most special of occasions.

it can be said that the search for the one true king will certainly not be easy... but he is out there, that is for sure.. all the biscuits of the biscuit world eagerly await 'the return of the king' .... and when he rises to take the throne once more there shall be no doubt in any biscuits mind as to who is their ruler.

Are we just considering sweet biscuits here? I mean is it not a bit discriminatory to ignore the savouries? come on, the cheddar (now with 35% more cheese) must rank highly among the afformentioned snacks, and what about Rivita? Water buiscuits? Danish Toasts? In this politically correct society, we cannot marginalise such a large biscuit minority.

to quote the oxford university press..

biscuit/ noun 1. flat thin unleavened cake, usually crisp and sweet

ok i just spent 5 minutes typing a full response to this and my connection crashed so i'll keep it short this time...

joe.. i don't quite know what to say... what are these strange beasts you speak of..? ry-veee-ta..? daaaay-neeesh-toasts..?

ok, i'll come back to the cheddar in a moment lets start with ryvita. it's merely a transport mechanism for much tastier foods.. like cheese. danish toasts.....um...excuse me, but does the word toast mean the same to you as it does to me? and water biscuits...? go home.....

ok cheddars, now with more cheese.. evidence that it is an ever evolving biscuit.. it may still be in the early stages of development and who knows in several years time may emerge as a fully fledged pink wafer or similar, welcome at any coffee table... but no joe, non of these may be considered as they lack one thing... tea/coffee compatability. whens the last time you kicked back in front of the telly with a cuppa and reached for the ryvitas??? exactly. you see in this world there are biscuits....and then there are BISCUITS...

the boundaries admittedly have become blurred, especially between chocolate bars and biscuit bars (ref. twix/rocky caramel/twix toppers etc.) but the boundaries are still in place. i suggest that you purchase a box of Fox's Family Favourites and a tub of Jacobs Cheese Collection and pass them round between friends in front of the telly while serving tea and coffee (no cheese!) and the BISCUITS will make themselves known. ignore the digestive, yes some fools place slabs of cheese on them but then people often mistake mince pies for crackers too...best just step quietly away from such folk....

um, no guesses who wrote the above, forgot to login having been booted....