moblog uk


group profile | members | imagewall

« older newer »

Very short stories to read at the bus stop.

Simply do this:
1. Register for a moblog account here
2. Join this group here
3. Email or MMS your picture and text to microhappy-AT-moblog-DOT-net

Add Short stories to read at the bus stop Mippin widget

follow @creativewriting

Search this moblog

Recent visitors

TXTing Satan

(viewed 1633 times)
Bookmark and Share
It's not everyone who gets text messages from Satan. There are a few people, though. You can tell by looking at their faces.

Check out this one. A twitch to the eyelid. A posture of practiced nonchalance that comes and goes, interspersed with uncomfortable wriggling. Suppressed giggling. Suppressed tears.

You can tell almost better than she can.

You can read the temptations to sin in the reflections on the whites of her eyes.

It's a shame -- and a mercy -- she's so young. There's a lot of future there to waste, but a lot of impending evil to save her from.

Time for me to put down the beer. Time for the Secret Operations Bureau of the Salvation Army to swing into action.


Posted by Laszlo Q. V. St-J. Xalieri

14th Jul 2008, 15:38   | tags:


Caine says:

Absolutely wonderful shots and story!

15th Jul 2008, 00:06

jc1000000 says:

Reminds me of Sin City or the opening of Anais Nin's, Spy In The House of Love. I love the solipsistic introjection twisted into misplaced concern!

The picture, again, is a mad one - is it candid shot? Which inspired the other?

15th Jul 2008, 01:34

I loved the pictures and the story, up until the last paragraph. It all went a bit wrong for me there I'm afraid!

15th Jul 2008, 02:40

taniwha says:

I disagree Cyberpunk. The last paragraph is the pay off. That's what made me smile.

15th Jul 2008, 06:58

You disagree that it didn't work, or you disagree that it didn't work for me? :)

Up until the last paragraph, the writer's toying with a metaphor, teasing the reader with whether this is real or not.

They then assert that a charity aimed at helping marginalised people has a secret hit squad hanging out on the streets waiting for people to get literal text messages from Beelzebub. This is what doesn't work *for me*.

If it had at least been the Society of Jesus it would have been more believable!

15th Jul 2008, 13:14

Thanks,all. :D

The pictures came first, candid snaps in yet another coffee house. Then the bit of story to go with it....

My wife agrees with, you, Cyberpunkdreams. The last paragraph, where I flip the switch and show who really has the problem, isn't very subtle. With a choice between subtle and a punchline, I have a hard time resisting. :)

Not that I think the Salvation Army would ever really have a Secret Ops/Special Forces branch. But there might be some psychopath who believes it should, and that he's it...

Whose order would actually start such a branch is totally up for debate. :)


15th Jul 2008, 13:56

> But there might be some psychopath who believes it should, and that he's it.. <

That's a fair point!

15th Jul 2008, 15:26

... and that's kinda what I was going for. A special ops bureau for the Christmastime Bellringers would be nothing but pure comedy.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. :)


15th Jul 2008, 16:16

Also, I'm loving the "Discover Modern Satanism" Google Ad in the top left corner of this page.


15th Jul 2008, 16:18

taniwha says:

I know people who are involved in exorcisms and one who claimed to have been possessed by a demon. It's not that far from how some people think.

15th Jul 2008, 16:57

I've performed exorcisms myself a coupla times, but usually only for hardware. Cars, maybe, plus the usual servers and network closets.


15th Jul 2008, 17:02

kel says:

I *loved* the idea of the Sally Army having a Special Ops branch. That's what made the story for me.

15th Jul 2008, 17:06

See, now I've gone and ruined it. :)


15th Jul 2008, 17:27

Dhamaka says:

extending the normal to something else... a real talent

16th Jul 2008, 23:31