Joker's Bottle of Frogs

by JokerXL

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They're called "Clandestines", they cost £2000,- each and they're a pain in the but-tocks!
Traveling through Calais last night, from Nijmegen, non-stop to "the beach" (a secure (ha!) truck park next to the port; high fences, floodlighting, all night patrols with dogs)
First thing this morning, up, quick security check around the vehicle; nothing to note; locks in place, sides closed down, no one hanging under the trailer.
Across to the port, through the "heart beat" scanner (ultra high sensitive microphones, designed to pick up the heart beat vibrations of anyone inside), also nothing to report.
Straight through to UK customs, these days they've got a foothold on the French side of the channel.
Into the shed for a "Co2" check (probes, inserted into the trailer, detect raised levels of Co2 (in exhaled breath))
The reading went off the scale!!
Padlock off, doors open, long ladder called for; up goes an immigration officer (a brave one) into a crawling space about 18inches high, up between the top of the load and the roof of the trailer (nearly fourteen foot high) and comes back with two worried looking "East Africans"!!
That's four thousand pounds on the driver's "fine-tally" which is really quite bad enough without said home office employee going back up his ladder and coming back with two more!
(I can feel it: this is not going to be a good day at work)
Anyway, six hours later, six hours of trying to convince HM's finest that I'm not Europe's #1 people-trafficer, that I don't "deal in human misery", that I'm not "Carlos the Jackell" or Osama-Bin-Lowlife's right hand man.
They slap a two thousand pound fine on my ass and send me on my merry way!
(2000,- not 8000,- which I'm supposed to be gratefull for)
I lock up the trailer, drive nonstop through "bandit country" to a "secure & safe" parking area, stay with the vehicle at ALL times, check all around the vehicle in the morning for signs of tampering, request a "Heart beat " check before entering the port (which was positively negative) and STILL they get in!
Someone has carefully opened up the sides of the trailer, squeezed 4x "Clandestines" up onto the top of the load and, again, carefully re-closed the side of the trailer.
All this in, potentially, full view of the French security!
(unless, of course, they were all "a dormir" or just nipped around the back for a sly "Galloise"
What more am I supposed to have done?
Come on GB, where's the justice in that?
Ask me why I live in Holland, go on, ask me!
18th Aug 2005, 16:40   | tags:,,,


shit dude, that unfortunate,

18th Aug 2005, 16:46

BadJon2 says:

Dude sounds like you need to take your own dog with you!

[with a doggy passport fo course]

18th Aug 2005, 16:54

Dad says:

Now you know why I live in Australia.

19th Aug 2005, 05:16

tex says:

Dont u know that the human rights act always blames the innocent.who pays it anyway,the firm or you?

22nd Aug 2005, 15:00

Joe says:

do you live in Holland for the weed? :D

that sucks dude,'s not fair at all.

22nd Aug 2005, 15:05

FilbertFox says:


27th Aug 2006, 10:07