Joker's Bottle of Frogs

by JokerXL

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In my hour of need (?) your on your own

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Is it any wonder the (French) police have such a terrible reputation?
I've just been attacked by seven armed men and the police here are simply not interested.

I crossed from Dover to Calais tonight and, because I'd run out of driving hours, I was forced (against my better judgement) to park up for nine hours as soon as I'd disembarked.

An hour after I'd gone to bed I felt a disturbance in the trailer. I looked out and saw three masked men trying to enter the trailer through the side doors (I'd locked the back doors with the only padlock I have with me) I opened the cab door and yelled at them to get the hell off there. They turned towards me and were immediately joined by four others, also masked and carrying iron bars. I shut and locked the doors while they all stood around my cab jeering and threatening. Then one of them smashed the driver's side mirror with his iron bar and I hit the alarm button, it's an emergency switch in the cab that sets off a very loud siren and all the external lights start flashing, I was worried they would try to get in at me by smashing one of the side windows.

Bear in mind that it's after one in the morning and I'm surrounded by a couple of hundred other trucks and their (sleeping?) drivers. Not one of the bastards so much as looked out at me as a rock the size of a football was smashed into my windscreen. Twice.

I called 112 and they didn't speak any English. I managed to make them understand that I was being attacked and needed immediate assistance and they put me on hold, with a little music. Then local Calais police were on the line, but spoke no English and put me on hold. Another voice also spoke no English and put me on hold again. The last one spoke almost no English, and despite my best efforts to explain that I needed "HELP! Help! HELP!" at the truckstop "Total" in Calais and that seven armed men were smashing up my truck as we speak, he asked me "eef my kar wuz brocken down-uh".

I hung up and called 112 again, asked for Calais police and got someone who (half) understood what was up. He said I should go outside and wait in the petrol station until someone arrived.
Yeah right.
The seven masked lunatics have moved on down the line by this time and are climbing onto a tanker lorry, trying to get in through the top hatches, cool as you like, and there's another group of four, 20 meters up the other way.

I sat for half an hour waiting for "le plod" to arrive.
No show.
Just as I'd given up on them and decided they probably hadn't understood me I heard sirens in the distance. Three police cars turned up and a bunch of cops with big sticks wandered off between the trucks. One of them was in the petrol station drinking coffee and I went in to speak with him.
He spoke no English (or refused to try).
I went out to the others, asking them if any of them spoke any English, "non" they said, as they pushed passed me into the warm shop and ordered coffee. I followed them in and asked the petrol station attendant if he could help me translate (I'd heard him speaking English earlier) then one of France's finest had me up against the counter with his riot-stick in my face telling me (in quite good English) that "you are in France now, we speak French 'ere".
I told them they were all a bunch of useless wankers, removed the bump-stick from my face and left (fully expecting to be bundled into one of the police cars outside).

At least the asylum seekers have left the area, for now.

I need to try and get some sleep now, back at work in five hours.
26th Mar 2009, 02:04  


factotum says:

I hope you CAN get some sleep. Take Care!

26th Mar 2009, 03:02

Caine says:

Holy $#!^&! What an experience. I am so sorry this happened to you. Stay safe!

26th Mar 2009, 04:53

harimanjaro says:

What a bloody shambles. In the past I've done some work with a company that provides English speaking emergency operators that deal with the local plod on your behalf. Bung "Eurowatch" into Google. Any chance of getting your employer to sign up with something like that?

26th Mar 2009, 08:00

paintist says:

what **&*$%$£ers !!!!! excuse my french !

I am glad you are safe. Your job sounds riskier hour by hour, especially when the recession really hits....
stay safe

26th Mar 2009, 08:05

nige says:

Blimey, good thing you managed to keep a cool head in that situation. Not sure i'd have been able to do the same. Hope you're feeling okay.

26th Mar 2009, 08:51

Jane Doe says:

Thinking of you, take care.

26th Mar 2009, 08:59

Dhamaka NLI says:

I feel so helpless reading this. I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do and would send you a text if your Dutch number hadn't mysteriously disasppeared from my phone.

Some people really need to be woken up out of their complacent nationalist xenophobia sufficiently to understand that by continuing to behave in this way they're not doing themselves, their country or society any favours.

sending love and hugs

26th Mar 2009, 09:06

Twiglet says:

Bloody bastards! Sending hugs to you too Joker xxx

26th Mar 2009, 09:22

Geodyne says:

Bloody hell Joker. I'm so glad you're safe.

I'm appalled they thought it was apropriate to act in such a way.

26th Mar 2009, 09:28

Viv says:

That is appalling. You really were alone in that situation.Think your army background stood you in good stead :)

Well done on standing up to the french plod!

26th Mar 2009, 11:29

Sprocket says:

I'm absolutely shocked by the French plod's behaviour, and that coffee and donuts took precedence over apprehending the f**ckers

26th Mar 2009, 12:57

Lyzardly says:

What a terrible experience and appaling behavior by the French police!

26th Mar 2009, 15:13

kel says:

Oh no.

Really horrible.

26th Mar 2009, 17:25

JokerXL says:

Tnx guys, back in the land of Hol now, treating myself to a MacD's
could have been worse

26th Mar 2009, 18:43

daz, not logged in, says:

Good grief!!

Hope you're ok.

26th Mar 2009, 19:16

minkey says:

Joker, so sorry to hear about the terrible ordeal you went through. Firstly sometimes i'm really ashamed to be french. Then, the problem with the illegal immigrants has become a terrible and sad problem and the police isn't doing anything (apart from arresting any french citizens helping them to have a better life). It certainly doesn't excuse what those poor people did to you and it seems that desperation is making them getting more violent and more organised. Back to the police...most of them especially in calais speak enough english to be able to help you but it seems that they've decided not to get involved in anything to do with illegal immigrants. Easy way out.Ignore the problem....Hope you're better now

26th Mar 2009, 21:47

JokerXL says:

I'm fine Minkey, and not at all anti-French, see that Cédric, diamond bloke.
The problems I had in Ireland that time; shouldn't reflect on the entire population.
Now and again you'll come up against bullshit situations, when you move around as much as I do.
I'll be writing to the local authorities there for an explanation but don't expect much of an answer.
Big hugs Minkey, see you in May.

27th Mar 2009, 05:58

Jonester says:

Jesus bloody christ,what were we just saying the other week.Its an outrage.
'your in France now and we speak English here' WTF dosent help anyone,sounds like the CRS to me and not the run of the mill plod but thats just my guess.
Glad you are OK

28th Mar 2009, 06:17

JokerXL says:

Think you're right J, CRS thugs, thick in l'arm, thick in l'ed.

28th Mar 2009, 07:27

maickmcfly(m-dot-rikken27-at-upcmail-dot-nl) says:

That is some shit to handle........
take notice of the 6 and 9 kilo Moyne Robberts safty material that's in and outside your truck at any time. it's not healthy for your eyes and airpipe/lungs says the saftey manual. and when they are empty it's a great alternative to hammer and throw. glad you made it out in one peice.

French wank..s

28th Mar 2009, 14:22

JokerXL says:

That's a good tip Maikel, I'll remember that one.

28th Mar 2009, 14:35

Boet says:

alo alo

29th Mar 2009, 17:25

Dhamaka says:

I remember this..

3rd Oct 2013, 21:25