Pattern Recognition

by Dhamaka

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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"........ Albert Einstein

My new dance photography blog, DanceTog is here

My formal G20Voice blog is here

"When you're standing on a comfortable rug, you have to expect it to be pulled from under your feet sometimes"
........ Ben Moor
Global Warming - the debate

My homesite

My flickr

C_E on twitter

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CyclistOnChemo on twitter

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This is my personal blog, not a venue for saleable images. In fact, because it's here that I share things that are important to me with the members of the moblog community, photo quality's not my priority. Events, occasions, achievements, thoughts, trips and experiments - you'll find them all here. Contact me for the development version of my photo portfolio, for a selection of saleable images or visit my dance photography blog or my website for cuttings. And remember that all photos remain my copyright unless I've specifically said otherwise.

* * * *

"Every time I see an adult on a bicycle I no longer despair for the future of the human race"
........ H G Wells

"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better"
........ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Luck favours the prepared mind"
........ Louis Pasteur

"Never to get lost is not to live, not to know how to get lost brings you to destruction, and somewhere in the terra incognita in between lies a life of discovery."
........ Rebecca Solnit

"Give, give, give -- what is the point of having experience, knowledge or talent if I don't give it away? Of having stories if I don't tell them to others? Of having wealth if I don't share it? I don't intend to be cremated with any of it! It is in giving that I connect with others, with the world and with the divine."
........ Isabel Allende

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs - ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
........ Harold Thurman Whitman

"The real voyage of discovery consists not of seeing new landscapes, but in having new eyes...."
........ Marcel Proust

"It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them.. you have no such accurate remembrance of a country you have driven through as you gain by riding a bicycle...."
........ Ernest Hemingway

"Ambition leads me not only father than any other man has been before me, but as far as I think it is possible for man to go."
........ James Cook

"The grand show is enternal. It is always sunrise somewhere; the dew is never dried all at once; a shower is forever falling; vapour is ever rising. Eternal sunrise, eternal dawn and gloaming, on sea and continents and islands, each in its turn, as the round earth rolls."
........ John Muir

"The bicycle is the most civilised conveyance known to man. Other forms of transport grow daily more nightmarish. Only the bicycle remains pure in heart."
........ Iris Murdoch

"Photography for me is not looking, it's feeling. If you can't feel what you're looking at, then you're never going to get others to feel anything when they look at your picture...."
........ Don McCullin

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This is one of the slides for my lymph gland tests - taken today.

I'm posting it because I have a request. I'm really grateful for all your expressions of support. I'm stunned by the off-moblog responses too, which mean more than words can say. When I feel low I'm sure that re-reading them will be a real help.


In the words of Granny Weatherwax "I aitent dead". I'm not dying either. The cancer's quite big and I'm going to lose more breast than I want to think about but there is no doubt in my mind that I can get through this.

So right now I don't want your sympathy but I do need to know you're there for me. (I love the new blog - thank you AF and everyone who is contributing- it's lovely to think that you care enough to start and maintain it).

Maybe I'll need sympathy when I see a great lump of my body missing. Maybe when cumulative effects of the chemo start making themselves felt. Right now - and I know I'm making things difficult for you, especially because it might change - is not the time.

I'm also bored with talking about myself. So I'm telling you here how I am at the moment. Until I get my breast lopped off it's unlikely to change. I have cancer (doh). Emotionally I'm mostly serene but I do have wobbly moments. I've run out of Calendula and nearly run out of Arnica (going shopping tomorrow morning) and have a whopping big bruise where they've just taken tissue.

Now I've made things complicated I'll repeat the essence. Over the next year I'll need to know you're thinking of me. For the moment at least I'm not happy about sympathy but empathy is fine. I know I'm strong. I know I'll get over it and I appreciate - and will take - all the non-condescending support I can get.

Javama says:

Good on yer! And keep that bike clean!

24th Apr 2009, 15:55

jle says:

thinking of you anyway hugs to the best lady ever, just cause

24th Apr 2009, 16:46

Puddlepuff says:

Yeah,.... Ok.

24th Apr 2009, 17:15

Mandy says:

I think we all just wish there was something we could do or say to change the circumstances. No platitudes from though -now go get yer daisy shoots shoots on, go down them apples & pears & some proper work!

24th Apr 2009, 17:15

kel says:

Good on you x

24th Apr 2009, 17:44

MaggieD says:

Good on you D, you have to tell it like it is. Of course everyone's initial response will be one of shock and the reaction will be an outpouring of love and support.
It is great that you are so positive and so focussed on what you need to keep you going. I know, with the same degree of certainty, that there is an army of Mobloggers here ready to give you whatever you need in the way of support. :)

24th Apr 2009, 17:55

harimanjaro says:

Yuk. Medical goo... *faints*

24th Apr 2009, 18:11

Caine says:

:D Cake is good. Wine is good. Cake and wine are great. I'm here, take advantage whenever.

24th Apr 2009, 18:34

yourhermione says:

I'm gonna keep being angry at cancer and wearing all my "fuck cancer" goodies. And sneaking in the back proxy whenever the admin isn't looking.

24th Apr 2009, 19:09

Puddlepuff says:

whaaaaaaaaaaah youthermione!!!!!! Come back!!!!

How ya been lady of throwing things in kilns?

24th Apr 2009, 19:16

Caine says:

It's great to see you, YH, even if it's a little bit here and there. :D

24th Apr 2009, 19:58

daz says:


24th Apr 2009, 21:32

cariadus says:

Well said - I really admire your attitude.

24th Apr 2009, 21:49

EVILMINK269 says:

Let me know if you need anything I miss seeing you on Facebook :) Hang in there.

24th Apr 2009, 23:01

queserasara says:

I agree with Maggie, you have to say it like it is As you know- as ever that huge wave of moblogg support out there. Speak soon. Qssx

25th Apr 2009, 06:44

seaneeboy says:

Hello there,

Only just caught up on all of this, which pretty much sucks the big one. If anyone's got the strength of character and tenacity to copy it's you.

Thinking of you! x

25th Apr 2009, 15:34

Dhamaka says:

it is great to see YourHermione isn't it. I was talking to a friend about her the same day she posted.. I'm guessing that bronxelf gave her a heads-up so thank you too b'elf.

Thanks to everyone else for the support you're giving me. Please continue to do so but don't forget Lucia ( who now has worrying about me to contend with on top of her own problems

26th Apr 2009, 08:17

Denise Ward(denise-at-award-dot-co-dot-uk) says:

You will get through this with strength family and detrmination and the prayers you may pray and thoseof others.

27th Apr 2009, 08:15

Carlton says:

This horrible news may slow you down, but I know it won't stop you. No sympathy, much empathy and so much of my love goes out to you.

Even in adversity you're a star!

When are we going to have that dance girl?


27th Apr 2009, 10:43

OJ says:

Okay, got it. Not a victim - don't want to be treated like one.

I don't think you can ever totally manage other people's reactions so. Hope you don't sap your energy worrying about it.

Having never had cancer I can't really empathise, but I can empathise with the frustration about what illness may do to your cycling plans.

I'm taking a wild guess that you'll discover new passions. Take care.

27th Apr 2009, 12:35

paul donovan(pauldonovan28-at-hotmail-dot-com) says:

I'm sure you will beat it, your attitude is always ultra positive which is what you need to be at this time. With you and thinking of you. If you want a chat anytime let me know.

27th Apr 2009, 13:51

mara says:

I can't find better words than those of Maggie dear Dhamaka

27th Apr 2009, 16:59

Jill Gordon says:

You are in my thoughts absolute.
We (me and committee) are volunteers for Cancer Research UK, Relay For Life. I'm chairing up the event in July, supporting, fundraisng AND we're having some Salsa and Tango tasters as part of the days have our 101% support..... Jx

28th Apr 2009, 10:46

halophoenix says:

I'm just catching up with things, but take care of yourself, be well, and stay strong. You have a lot of friends pulling for you - even those you've only just met!

28th Apr 2009, 12:50

Toddy says:

Well I don;t mind saying that you made me cry a bit there.

Your photos, articles and general attitude have been a great inspiration to me. All I can say is you have my continued support xxx

28th Apr 2009, 14:20

Dhamaka says:

George - that's not good news. Do let us know
Toddy - thank you, even tough we've not actually met I think of you as a friend and hope you do the same
Denise - thank you
Carlton - yeah, right.. you never dance with me ;p
OJ - while you're right I still have to try
Paul - thank you
Mara - mille grazie
Jill - thank you. You can remind Carlton he said he'd dance with me
halophoenix - and thank you for being one!

28th Apr 2009, 15:44

Traivs Neel(travis-at-tango-rolling-dot-com) says:

Well, by now you know you can never cure cancer - I know because I too have cancer and I will be your brother. You are a very special person to me and have always left me in awe including when I step on you toes dancing. You will do what you always do which is beat the odds and I will be here waiting for you at El Gaucho. We love you. Travis & Rachel New York City

28th Apr 2009, 18:42

Dhamaka says:

good grief Travis, is there anything that you haven't been through?
and thank you both

28th Apr 2009, 19:52

Edward Reeves says:

Carole, you're one of the strongest people I know. I have no doubt that you're going to come through this. Anything you need, just ask. Keep writing, keep taking photographs. Speak soon and call any time, Ed.

28th Apr 2009, 20:10

Dhamaka says:

thanks Ed

29th Apr 2009, 06:46