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mael goes right

by mattieelisa

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long time, confusions and showing

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Heey everybody, I think the 2 first words of the title speak for themselves, how are you guys doing? I just had my mid-terms (or differently said; tests week) and I have been studying everyday till 12.. My body didn't really like that, but somehow my spirit kept on saying; you can do it, you can do it! Did anybody els also had midterms and how are the results?! Suprisingly enough I didn't even get one bad mark. I was so happy! But now, why the second word, confusions. I always wonderd why, but I suddenly place all kinds of song in che chapter 'realistic' and in my place especially: right time, wrong guy, wrong time, right guy. I know I still have time, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me and kill me, to love somebody, and knowing that person would give up anything, and meanwhile I realise, I might not love him like that. Though he's the greatest guy I ever met. I know I'm a very busy girl and I know that I should actually still wait a few years because, school every weekday and work every friday evening and saturday, gets me in a situation in which it's hard to fine 'spare time for the boyfriend' it looks really awful me describing it like that. But I'm totally confused. Who can help me out? I've got no idea what to do, I did show him already that I wasn't sure about it, he showed me he was prepared to love me anyways, I told him he should not be with me, he instead told me he would give up everything to only see me. And that is what kills me. He's a 100% the prince I've been looking for, but.. I'm not in love. And I know, he will give anything to make me love him anyways.. Things are clear, so very clear to both him and me. Now the last one, the filosofical part of this blog today; showing. We hide on the internet, in real life, on book covers, maybe on school and even when we see somebody we like; don't tell me you do not, because I know that everybody does.. i wonderd and I've been wondering for a long time; why do we hide, even if we're in a conversation with somebody, even when we look at somebody, why are we afraid of showing our real selfs. We always say they should except me for who I am, but can you convince me of the fact that you never hide from yourself. That you do not ever try to be somebody, trying to change into another person, which you actually are not. Trying to hide our bad habits is a nature thing. But if we don't show them immideliatley to somebody we might hang around with alot, don't you think that at the moment you show them it will be a dissapointment and you will feel awful. I think everybody would.. We put masks before our souls, and with that I'm not talking about always. But we often do. Solutions are really hard to find, maybe there doesn't even excist one. The part of hiding now and then or hiding certain things might also be a part of us, but why, did we not hide all those things when we were a kid? Ofcourse, people should have manners, at least we think so. But they're also a way of hiding ourselves. What does mankind want to hide? Why do people, from all sides trying to make us hide? I know that sometimes hiding isn't wrong haha. But, our real selves, we also hide for them don't we? Sometimes we don't want to know things, though we are sure that they are true. Why do we, want to always hide..