wingmaker's moblog
by wingmaker
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Randomness from THIS blog...
Once upon a time, I set out upon a mission...
Now I'm the girl, just trying to remember how it is that she used to be so good at getting her thoughts down on paper (or screen)...
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lucky everyday
(viewed 32 times)
"It is internal engineering that gives happiness, not external trappings. ...In many ways we do not choose this kind of life - our family, our circumstances, and in many cases, the outcomes of our decisions. This kind of life chooses you."
I've been hidden away
practicing my yoga
reading my books
thinking
but today, i looked in my closet
and saw them tucked away on a high shelf
and i suddenly missed moblog.
quote from "Lucky Everyday by Bapsy Jain" which is as fantastic as everyone says it is. and then some.
I've been hidden away
practicing my yoga
reading my books
thinking
but today, i looked in my closet
and saw them tucked away on a high shelf
and i suddenly missed moblog.
quote from "Lucky Everyday by Bapsy Jain" which is as fantastic as everyone says it is. and then some.
15th Feb 2010, 22:12
comments (0)
everything
(viewed 82 times)
i planted
has died.
the cold is definitely here
and i miss that prospect
of growth.
it's a little early for the whole
reminiscing about 2009
entry
but
after this non-holiday of a holiday
i'm feeling a little
lost.
i have a friendship that i've decided
really isn't working anymore
we're just not really nice to each other
and i've taken a break from it.
i mean,
aren't i old enough to decide
this doesn't work for me anymore
and walk away from it
until it does again.
i have a family
where there is so much tension and stress
that it propels all of us farther apart
and i see my mom
grasping to bring us all back in...
but that grasping turns us away.
nothing is ever enough.
i have a non-career
at the moment
where i'm still trying to decide
what i want to be when i grow up
and what i want life to look like
i wish i knew.
i also, though, i have to remind myself
have 40 tulips
out there
deep in the ground
waiting for the thaw so they can bloom.
am i just waiting for a thaw?
has died.
the cold is definitely here
and i miss that prospect
of growth.
it's a little early for the whole
reminiscing about 2009
entry
but
after this non-holiday of a holiday
i'm feeling a little
lost.
i have a friendship that i've decided
really isn't working anymore
we're just not really nice to each other
and i've taken a break from it.
i mean,
aren't i old enough to decide
this doesn't work for me anymore
and walk away from it
until it does again.
i have a family
where there is so much tension and stress
that it propels all of us farther apart
and i see my mom
grasping to bring us all back in...
but that grasping turns us away.
nothing is ever enough.
i have a non-career
at the moment
where i'm still trying to decide
what i want to be when i grow up
and what i want life to look like
i wish i knew.
i also, though, i have to remind myself
have 40 tulips
out there
deep in the ground
waiting for the thaw so they can bloom.
am i just waiting for a thaw?
26th Dec 2009, 05:57
comments (2)
pinpoint
(viewed 83 times)
i wish i could pinpoint
the moment
that i became unhappy.
the moment
that i became unhappy.
20th Dec 2009, 07:13
comments (2)
on the precipice
(viewed 101 times)
right there on the edge
seems to be a theme i can't get away from.
escaping from the entrapment of the ordinary
and plunging headfirst into the excitement of the what could be.
and yet
halting
right at the moment
when you need to jump.
and changing your mind.
revolutionary road has been one of the most heartbreaking books i've ever read.
(and i've read it many times)
(and i just watched it on a lonely wednesday afternoon. not the best idea.)
the excitement
the allure
of a life less ordinary
and the excitement of the plans and the buildup.
and oh my goodness, the so in love-ness of the whole thing.
i recognize that.
then the crushing defeat when the person you're depending on to jump headfirst with you
changes their mind.
For years I thought we've shared this secret that we would be wonderful in the world. I don't know exactly how, but just the possibility kept me hoping. How pathetic is that?
in a different movie, last night,
i cried when both of the leads
decided to jump in and leave everything else behind to be together.
and then i cried again, when 15 minutes later both of them [both of them. sigh] backed out. you could see it happening. the retreat. the doubt. the skepticism that getting what you want would really be what you wanted after all.
it seems to be popping up every where.
i can't get away from it myself.
because i've been that person.
i've been the one to freeze and back away.
i've been the one right there on the precipice too afraid to jump.
i don't want to go on being that person.
and yet
i don't know quite how to jump.
think paris is the answer?
[damn movie].
seems to be a theme i can't get away from.
escaping from the entrapment of the ordinary
and plunging headfirst into the excitement of the what could be.
and yet
halting
right at the moment
when you need to jump.
and changing your mind.
revolutionary road has been one of the most heartbreaking books i've ever read.
(and i've read it many times)
(and i just watched it on a lonely wednesday afternoon. not the best idea.)
the excitement
the allure
of a life less ordinary
and the excitement of the plans and the buildup.
and oh my goodness, the so in love-ness of the whole thing.
i recognize that.
then the crushing defeat when the person you're depending on to jump headfirst with you
changes their mind.
For years I thought we've shared this secret that we would be wonderful in the world. I don't know exactly how, but just the possibility kept me hoping. How pathetic is that?
in a different movie, last night,
i cried when both of the leads
decided to jump in and leave everything else behind to be together.
and then i cried again, when 15 minutes later both of them [both of them. sigh] backed out. you could see it happening. the retreat. the doubt. the skepticism that getting what you want would really be what you wanted after all.
it seems to be popping up every where.
i can't get away from it myself.
because i've been that person.
i've been the one to freeze and back away.
i've been the one right there on the precipice too afraid to jump.
i don't want to go on being that person.
and yet
i don't know quite how to jump.
think paris is the answer?
[damn movie].
16th Dec 2009, 21:15
comments (1)
the mornings....
(viewed 82 times)
oh the mornings...
they always start out so good.
it's just the rest of my day
that's the problem.
they always start out so good.
it's just the rest of my day
that's the problem.
2nd Dec 2009, 21:11
comments (2)
today
i had a really good run
followed by a really good spin class
followed by really good stretching
followed by some pretty amazing turkey chili that i made myself over the weekend.
followed by go fetch and the most exicitable, happy dog.
somedays are just so good!
and the things running through my head
are things that i know
i know my feet will keep carrying me
i know i'm determined
i know i'll figure out the best decision
and go with it.
i know i'm very fortunate to have all of this me time.
i know i often take it for granted.
i know i sometimes don't tell him enough
how grateful i am.
i know i enjoy my puppy dog and
getting to spend just a few minutes
sitting in the sun with him
as we cool down
from a long game of
go fetch.
followed by a really good spin class
followed by really good stretching
followed by some pretty amazing turkey chili that i made myself over the weekend.
followed by go fetch and the most exicitable, happy dog.
somedays are just so good!
and the things running through my head
are things that i know
i know my feet will keep carrying me
i know i'm determined
i know i'll figure out the best decision
and go with it.
i know i'm very fortunate to have all of this me time.
i know i often take it for granted.
i know i sometimes don't tell him enough
how grateful i am.
i know i enjoy my puppy dog and
getting to spend just a few minutes
sitting in the sun with him
as we cool down
from a long game of
go fetch.
1st Dec 2009, 19:56
comments (1)
the past couple of weeks
(viewed 98 times)
have been a little hectic
a little confusing
and a lot frustrating.
the dream job
never turns out
to be as dreamy as it could be.
i ran a race that ended up being
really hard.
and shouldn't have been.
i just could not get my legs to function.
i feel like im transitioning
between groups of friends
those who i used to have things in common with
and those who i now do.
and i've been missing some friends
i once thought
i had.
a little confusing
and a lot frustrating.
the dream job
never turns out
to be as dreamy as it could be.
i ran a race that ended up being
really hard.
and shouldn't have been.
i just could not get my legs to function.
i feel like im transitioning
between groups of friends
those who i used to have things in common with
and those who i now do.
and i've been missing some friends
i once thought
i had.
29th Nov 2009, 18:44
comments (5)